Wednesday, July 28, 2010

All about Our Open Adoptions

Adoption is all about love & sacrifice. There are a lot of misconceptions about adoption & especially open adoption. Adoption is definitely not how it used to be. More & more adoptions today are defined as "open" vs "closed." Closed adoption is when the birth parents sign over their rights without ever meeting their child's new adopted parents and agree to never see the child again, this is often arranged through an agency. Open adoption is a plan in which the birth parents and adopted parents form a relationship and the birth parents will still be in the child's life. They may not see the child that often but they will get updates & even see the child every now and then. There are currently no laws mandating open adoptions so it is basically a verbal agreement between the birth & adoptive parents & the amount of contact is based on what feels comfortable for everyone. Open adoption has been proven beneficial to help the birth parents and the child because it doesn't leave anybody wondering what if or why and helps provide closure. David and I were a little nervous about open adoption in the very beginning of our journey, but the more we learned about it & the more adoptive parents that we talked to, the better we felt! We knew we wanted to meet our birth moms face to face & be as involved as possible in the adoption process. We decided we wanted to always have some type of ongoing relationship with them. I think we were a little nervous at first on how we would all feel after we left the hospital with the baby & how it may be awkward or how they would interact with the baby. But, we didn't want our children to have any questions as to why they were placed for adoption or wonder what their birth parents were like. We wanted them to have closure and peace of mind getting answers to all their questions. Also, I think once we had time to truly bond with the baby & began to really feel like parents then we realized we were proud to share our wonderful baby with someone else who was pretty proud too. I think it will help our boys to understand how loved they are to have birth moms who still care enough to keep in touch & the ability to develop relationships with their birth siblings as well. We always say they have double the love!! In the future, they may still have questions about their adoption & we may have to answer lots of questions as they grow up and understand it more, but I pray that already having that relationship in place will help. Both of our boys do have open adoptions. The relationships that we have are not always easy & they do take work at times, a two-way commitment and a selfless love on both parts but I am still glad that we chose this path! We regularly e-mail, send pics & try our best to plan visits. This summer we have had the opportunity to see both boy's birth moms & birth sisters. Caden's birth sister even spent two weeks with us & the relationship that she & Caden have is so so special & sweet. We feel blessed to have the types of relationships that we do and we are so glad that adoptions have changed so much in the past few years to allow us these type of relationships. God has put us all together for a reason & we are honored that these women trusted us with the greatest gift ever. Really, the least that we can do is honor our commitment to an open ongoing relationship that in the end blesses us all!

At the hospital with Caden & his birth mom.

Caden & his birth sister.

They really have a special bond!


At the hospital with Caleb & his birth mom.

1 comment:

  1. So precious! Thank you for blogging about open adoption. I think it is something we should all be less 'afraid' of. We have two boys, who we foster to adopted and after 2 years the adoption was final. They are now 6.5 and 3. We would like to foster and adopt (in any means!) again. Our adoption was semi-open but it has essentially become a closed adoption because of the sad situations. I am visiting from Kelly's Korner adoption link, I'm #60. :-) We live in Arkansas. -