Passing on another great blog!!

Our awesome friends, Mandi & Ragan, are starting their adoption journey & have created a website to help spread the word about their desire to adopt! We go to church & are in a Sunday School class with this precious couple & know that they are going to be wonderful parents! Both of our boys just light up when they see them! We can't wait to see how God works to complete their family through the miracle of adoption! Please help them by passing on their blog & joining their Facebook Page to help them spread the word! http://waiteswaiting.blogspot.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/mandi.waites

All about Our Open Adoptions

Adoption is all about love & sacrifice. There are a lot of misconceptions about adoption & especially open adoption. Adoption is definitely not how it used to be. More & more adoptions today are defined as "open" vs "closed." Closed adoption is when the birth parents sign over their rights without ever meeting their child's new adopted parents and agree to never see the child again, this is often arranged through an agency. Open adoption is a plan in which the birth parents and adopted parents form a relationship and the birth parents will still be in the child's life. They may not see the child that often but they will get updates & even see the child every now and then. There are currently no laws mandating open adoptions so it is basically a verbal agreement between the birth & adoptive parents & the amount of contact is based on what feels comfortable for everyone. Open adoption has been proven beneficial to help the birth parents and the child because it doesn't leave anybody wondering what if or why and helps provide closure. David and I were a little nervous about open adoption in the very beginning of our journey, but the more we learned about it & the more adoptive parents that we talked to, the better we felt! We knew we wanted to meet our birth moms face to face & be as involved as possible in the adoption process. We decided we wanted to always have some type of ongoing relationship with them. I think we were a little nervous at first on how we would all feel after we left the hospital with the baby & how it may be awkward or how they would interact with the baby. But, we didn't want our children to have any questions as to why they were placed for adoption or wonder what their birth parents were like. We wanted them to have closure and peace of mind getting answers to all their questions. Also, I think once we had time to truly bond with the baby & began to really feel like parents then we realized we were proud to share our wonderful baby with someone else who was pretty proud too. I think it will help our boys to understand how loved they are to have birth moms who still care enough to keep in touch & the ability to develop relationships with their birth siblings as well. We always say they have double the love!! In the future, they may still have questions about their adoption & we may have to answer lots of questions as they grow up and understand it more, but I pray that already having that relationship in place will help. Both of our boys do have open adoptions. The relationships that we have are not always easy & they do take work at times, a two-way commitment and a selfless love on both parts but I am still glad that we chose this path! We regularly e-mail, send pics & try our best to plan visits. This summer we have had the opportunity to see both boy's birth moms & birth sisters. Caden's birth sister even spent two weeks with us & the relationship that she & Caden have is so so special & sweet. We feel blessed to have the types of relationships that we do and we are so glad that adoptions have changed so much in the past few years to allow us these type of relationships. God has put us all together for a reason & we are honored that these women trusted us with the greatest gift ever. Really, the least that we can do is honor our commitment to an open ongoing relationship that in the end blesses us all!

At the hospital with Caden & his birth mom.

Caden & his birth sister.

They really have a special bond!

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At the hospital with Caleb & his birth mom.

Paying It Forward

We have had such great experiences with people passing on our information & desire to adopt & being able to adopt privately & as a result have had so many people contact us for tips & advice. Sometimes the info can we overwhelming but I hope that some of it is helpful too. Our family has been so blessed with our two sweet boys & our open adoptions are great & I want to help others complete their families too. I saw this quote on another blog that I was reading & I loved it: "Adoption is very messy. It is beautiful and full of God, but it’s not simple or tidy. There is lots of stuff to sort through and many miracles must take place every time adoption happens. It’s such a beautiful picture of the way God has adopted us. Our adoption as sons and daughters in God’s family is messy, too. It involves repentance and brokenness and usually some tears. But in the end, this way that God has provided through Jesus, this way back to him after things were messed up by sin, brings a perfect reconciliation of broken things in our lives and our relationship with him. Just as adoption is a perfect reconciliation of physical brokenness: a husband and wife who are broken because they can't conceive, and a child born without a whole family. It all comes together to create a new, whole, un-broken family. Two broken things made whole, for the glory of God. God adopting us – children who sinned and messed up his perfect original plan – is the ultimate reconciliation of what was broken in the Garden of Eden. It all comes full circle in some crazy, mysterious way.I think that those who are touched by adoption will agree that it is a miraculous and blessed thing to be a part of, one that changes you and opens your eyes; one that leaves you forever imprinted with the image of God and the whisper of his love in your life.Our God is the God of miracles, and I am so blessed to be adopted into His eternal, victorious family!"
Right now my two sweet boys are asleep & our oldest son, Caden's birth sister is asleep in the room next door. I never imagined that we would have this type of relationship but I know that God put us in each other's lives for a reason. She is spending 3 weeks with us this summer & we see her frequently throughout the year. She is 9 & is so in love with her baby brother & now loves being around Caleb too. She calls us Aunt Kenya & Uncle David & loves us too. Adoptive families are definitely unique but I just feel blessed. To help other families that are in the process of adoption, I would like to post profiles of couples in hopes that connections can be made & more families can share in the wonderful blessing of adoption!

Please check out this sweet family's adoption site & please pass it on or post a link to it on your blog if you have one! http://www.johndeniseadoption.blogspot.com/

Also if you have an adoption website/blog please let me know & I will add it on here!

Open Adoption Frequently Asked Questions

Our precious baby Caleb is 18 days old today! He is getting bigger & sweeter every day! I want to continue to use this blog to educate & inform people about the wonderful gift of open adoption.
Since bringing home Caleb, I have had so many people email me or ask me how were we able to adopt two healthy newborns so quickly & since starting our journey with adoption, we have been asked a lot of other questions related to the adoption process. We are not experts at all, but since we have been through this process twice now, I thought I would share a little info about our journey. Here are some commonly asked questions & OUR answers.

1.The biggest & most asked question: How do you "find" babies to adopt?
Sometimes, I believe we didn't find them but they found us. I know God had a plan & His will was done with our sons. We have never used an adoption agency. Although, I am sure there are some great agencies out there, I beleve that there are a LOT of extra fees & huge expenses with a lot of agencies, making adoption seem impossible to many. When we first began the process, some agency packets listed fees around $30,000- $40,000. All I can say is WOW! We were also told that a lot of birth moms preferred a more personal experience & preferred to find a family for their child on their own & the trend for birthmoms was moving away from turning to agencies (think Juno :). We decided to try independent adoption first. We knew that we could hire professionals individually such as an attorney, social worker/counselor, etc & both us & the birthmom could get the same if not more personal one-on-one services. An adoptive mom once told me, when we were first thinking about adoption, to not be afraid to tell EVERYONE we knew about our desire to adopt & we took that to heart. With both of our adoptions, we hired an independent adoption social worker to complete our home studies & began spreading the word to EVERYONE we knew. Both times, we found a birthmom before our home studies were even completed. I do realize that we were blessed & this does NOT always happen for everyone. However, we do believe that God calls us to do our part & be proactive in the process. I compare it to finding a job. You can pray & ask God to help you find a job, but if you just sit home & don't make calls, fill out applications & actively seek a job it is probably going to take a LOT longer. God blesses those that help themselves. We are VERY proactive. With our first adoption, a neighbor of ours worked with someone who knew someone who was pregnant & thinking about adoption. She gave out our number, we met & the result was our precious Caden....8 LONG months later but so worth the wait! With our second adoption, first we set up this website (free through Blogger), we made adoption business cards with our contact info & website on them (free from VistaPrint) & left them in public places, passed them out to friends family, etc..., I also posted our website all over the internet on yahoo questions, pregnancy forums, craigslist, free classifieds, etc...& we started a FaceBook page & asked all our friends to join & ask their friends. I tracked our website & many days we would get 50-100 hits! We started our adoption blog on January 2, 2010 & we were contacted by the family of our 2nd birthmom on February 1, 2010. The birthmom was 8 months pregnant so WOW that was faster than we could have ever imagined! We also had the wonderful experience of being at the hospital when both of our sons were born & being able to bring them both directly home from the hospital.

2. How do you avoid adoption scams?
We joined the adoption yahoo group called: adoptionscams@yahoogroups.com
where adoptive families can post info about prospective situations & get feedback. I also say proceed with great caution...if you feel uncomfortable about a situation move on, never give money to anyone, & use professionals! When someone contacted us we would always talk about & pray about the situation, we would also research the email address on FB or MySpace & try to get as much info as possible so that we felt comfortable. In our case, both of our birthmoms were great respectable women who truly wanted a better life for their unborn child. We were able to meet both in person beforehand which helped us feel more comfortable. We selected attorneys who were members of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys http://www.adoptionattorneys.org/ & felt that both had experience & knowledge that helped us greatly. Through our attorneys, we also found WONDERFUL social workers who walked us through the process, helped calm our fears, counseled our birthmoms, held their hands & just went above & beyond! In both cases, our social workers went to our birthmom's homes & even came to the hospital. We & our birthmoms received wonderful one-on-one services that we feel very good about.

3. How much did you have to pay for your children?
Our children are priceless. We do not “pay” to adopt our children. The social workers & attorneys were compensated for their efforts. To that end yes we do have to pay for their services. However, I will say that a private independent adoption like the ones that we did were VERY affordable. We paid for legal fees, social worker expenses, etc & that was it. We were lucky that both of our birth moms (with the assistance of our above stated wonderful social workers) were able to apply & qualify for Medicaid & so all medical expenses were covered. Our health insurance began covering our children immediately after they were born. In 2008, when Caden was born there was an adoption tax credit of $10,000 & his adoption was less than that. In 2010, that credit was increased & Caleb's adoption will be less than the credit. This is money that you can get back or deduct on your income taxes for the year that the adoption is finalized. I have heard that this tax credit may not continue but I am hoping it will as I know it has helped us & many other families with these expenses!
Tax Topics - Topic 607 Adoption Credit

4. What a noble gesture! Your children are lucky to come into your home.
No. We are lucky to have our children come to us. We were not able to get pregnant & easily have children. Since we went through so much, we cherish these babies so much & feel so blessed to have them.

5. Where are the boy's real parents?
Right here. We ARE the boy's REAL parents. As for the birth parents, see below.

6. Why did the child’s birth parents give him away? How will you explain that to your child?
Our children’s story is just that. Their story. We want to be able to preserve their story for them to share if they feel like it when they are grown. In both cases our birthmoms were strong beautiful women who made a courageous choice to first give their unborn child life & second give them a life that they could not at the time. We continually pray for both of them & love them greatly for the gift that they gave us. We talk about adoption at a very early age. With Caden, our 19 month old, we watch shows about adoption, we read stories, we even look at photographs of his birth mom that I scrapbooked in his album. We talk about it in a very loving & positive way. We want both of our sons to be proud of their adoption & to know that they were loved by everyone involved.
7. Will you be in touch with the birth family?
Yes. That is the plan. We believe it is healthy for our children to grow up knowing their birth history and heritage. Webelieve in openness and honesty. We will honor & respect the level of contact that each women desires. However, we do have an open adoption with both in that both know our names, our contact info, we have met, we talk on the phone, text, email, send pictures, visit, etc...

8. Aren’t you scared the children’s birth family will come and take them back?
No. Once the papers are signed and we finalize the adoption, we are the legal and only parents for the child.

9. Is your family now complete or will you adopt again?
In the midst of sleep deprivation with our newborn & chasing a very busy toddler we have to laugh when asked this. Right now, we are content & blessed BUT....
we both agree that we would like to have at least one more. I am still holding out for a little girl although I am loving my sweet boys right now!

10. If we hear of someone who is pregnant & thinking about adoption do you still want me to pass on your info?
Right now, we have our hands full but we know several wonderful Christian families that are hoping to adopt & would love to be able to help them so please go ahead & we will connect them!

Now I will share some recent family pictures that we had taken by an amazing young photographer who is only 18!! We LOVE them!!

Our amazing update!

Caleb Brooks
6lbs 15 oz 19 1/2 inches
Born 3/3/10 8:40 pm

A few weeks ago, a woman whose family member was in a crisis pregnancy, came across our website & helped us all connect. Our son, Caleb Brooks, was born this past Wednesday & we were there in the hospital to welcome him. We brought him home on Friday. We feel so blessed to welcome this wonderful new blessing into our home! We truly give God all the glory! Our prayers have been answered! Caden is loving being a BIG brother & we are all enjoying life with two precious boys! Thank you all for following our website & our journey to this miracle in our arms!

Welcome!

Hello!
Thank you so much for taking some time to learn about our family.

We are so excited to set out on another adoption journey. Our son, Caden has been such a blessing to us, and we can't wait to expand our family and the love in it. We want him to grow up with the joy of siblings as we both did. Our open arrangement with his birth mom has enriched our lives and laid a firm foundation for helping Caden understand how much he has always been loved. We hope that you will catch a glimpse into our lives and see a fun, loving family. Please know how much we admire and respect you for making the choice of adoption for your child. We realize how much you care about him/her and that your decision was made out of great love for them. There is no way that we can begin to understand what emotions you are going through at this time, but please know that we are praying for you, for God’s peace, strength, and love to be in you and with you.
We are David and Kenya. We met in 2002 when we both started new jobs at the same hospital. Our coworkers played matchmaker and we were on our fist date a few months later. Our lives were joined as one in 2003 as we celebrated our wedding day. Ever since, our marriage and love for each other has grown stronger each day. We are dedicated to each other and our family and always put family first. We went through 5years of infertility and often wondered why we had to struggle to get pregnant. We realized that God had a different plan for our lives and that was through the miracle of adoption. We have been so blessed to become parents and have the opportunity to see such selfless love through this miracle. We truly feel the Lord is not through with our family and know we have plenty of love to offer another child. Our hearts are full of excitement and love as we await the newest member of our family. About David (by Kenya): David is an Occupational Therapist and loves doing therapy with elderly patients. The compassion and understanding he shows to others amazes me. David is known to all for his sense of humor and outgoing personality. He has an incredible sense of honesty, devotion to family, and trust. Watching him with our son is such a joy. They have a great time together and bring many laughs. David also enjoys playing golf, coaching little league and spending time with family and friends. He has a large loving family and everyone enjoys getting together to make & eat tamales or have family dinners.



He is not only my husband, but also my best friend and confidant.

About Kenya (by David): Kenya is a wonderful mother to our son, Caden. She was definitely born to be a Mommy and has a very special bond with Caden. They are very close and have a great time together playing, swimming, reading books and learning new things. Kenya is also very close to her family and they are a big part of our lives. She is a very loving, patient, and fun person to be with. She works part time in healthcare as a Speech Therapist. She loves her profession but family always comes first to her.

Kenya's work schedule is very flexible & she makes her own schedule, usually working two-three days a week for a few hours while our Son is at preschool or visiting with Grandmaw. In her spare time she enjoys reading, cooking and spending time with family.

Caden is our handsome 1 year old son who has greatly blessed our lives. We adopted our son, Caden, at his birth in July 2008.

He has been a wonderful blessing to our family. David and I have shared an open relationship with Caden's birth mother through occasional visits, pictures, letters and phone calls. Caden is full of happiness, silliness and laughter. He has a way of always making us smile. Caden loves to play on his swingset in the backyard, swim, and read books. He loves being around other children and will be so excited about becoming a big brother and always having someone to play with. Our home is a 4 bedroom house with a big front porch on a quiet street and a huge back yard with big oak trees and a swing set.

We also have a playroom that we enjoy everyday. There are many children in our community to play and socialize with. Our neighborhood has great schools within walking distance from our home. We also share our home with 2 miniature schnauzer dogs named Finelee & Shelby.

They are both cuddly and very friendly and good with children. We have plenty of room for more children in our home and look forward to filling it up!
Together we desire to raise our children in a Christian home encouraging love, compassion, honesty, and respect. We promise your child will always be loved unconditionally and nurtured in a supportive environment. Your child will always know how they became part of our family. We will always tell them of your amazing, selfless love for him/her.
Open adoption is important to us because we want our child to know the story of their birth and they were placed with us out of love. You will always be a special part of our child’s life, and we welcome whatever level of contact you're comfortable with. We want our child to know his or her heritage and how much he or she is loved by their birth family.
We both love being parents and are excited to have the privilege of having another baby become part of our family!Thank you for taking the time to read more about us. We know this is an emotional time for you and admire your strength and courage for considering adoption for your child. We pray that you will find peace when choosing your child’s adoptive family.
With His Love,

David & Kenya